Yesterday

Yesterday I watched my little girl sit in hospital and have other people's antibodies drip slowly into her body.  Thank you blood donors :)

Yesterday I sat and watched as my husband played My Little Ponies with her.  He brushed their hair (over and over, and in the way that pleased the cranky seven year old) He used different voices for each pony.  He patiently played with glittery pink and purple ponies for well over an hour.

And I was reminded again why I love him so.  There is nothing like watching the man you love with the children you love.  We are lucky.

Mothers Day

Soft breathing on my cheek, whispers of Happy Mothers Day Mummy.  A sleep in.  I wake to cuddles and kisses and beautiful beautiful art works.  Cards made by little hands.  Pictures drawn just for me.  Poems written about how I am loved.  Kisses again.  Presents picked by little girls.  And my man.  Pancakes and cuddles. 
Where would I be without those who made me a mother.  My life is full of laughter because of them.  They teach me so much.  They love me so much.  Almost as much as I love them...but I am not sure it is possible to love anyone more than I love those girls, and the man who gave me those girls.
I am so lucky.

In the dusty box

There are some things I thought I would never forget in the dusty box on the top shelf of my cupboard.  Once those things were what I thought my forever would hold.
I hadn't looked at them for years, there was no need to.  Then an old friend got back in contact and I wanted to show my girls a picture of her and I back then.  Along with a photo album full of photos of a much younger, slimmer, more carefree me, there were some letters.
Some from my oldest friend.  They made me laugh out loud, some days I wish for those carefree days, they were good.
Some from a person I thought was an important part of my future.  He wasn't.  He isn't.  But I look back on those days and smile.  And kick myself too.  I was so sure I knew what was best back then.  The ego of youth I guess.  The joy of being sure that you knew what you wanted.  It is very funny to see that I am so far away in kilometres and reality from where I thought at 19 I would be.
Some from a friend I thought would be there for the long term and then wasn't.  Distance did make a difference.  

And the photos...back when the West Coast Eagles were the only Perth team (and they won :) ) when my sisters were still children, when things were just simple.  When the East Coast of Australia was like a different world. 

And as my house shakes from the noise of two girls who have no idea how to talk in inside voices, and my body shows the wear and tear of being a mum, I sometimes like to remember how far I have come from those memories and moments caught inside the dusty old box.

Loud

I'm pretty certain I have never been described as quiet.  Well unless you don't know me.  But how I wish for peaceful days sometimes.

My children have rewritten the definition of noisy this school holidays.  They yell...even when they are standing next to each other.  They talk...and talk...and talk...They just don't stop.  And I am grateful for the noise mostly..the only thing worse would be silence...but I wish they at least had volume control :)

Happy New Year

Welcome to 2010. It seems just like yesterday that I was pregnant and we were celebrating the year 2000. So much has happened in the past ten years, so so much.
Lots of laughter, some tears, some things I never want to experience again. The making of our family, the new friendships that come with motherhood, the strengthening of old friendships thanks in part to the wonderful world of Facebook. The really really crappy things that have happened to people I love. The joy of children. The strength gained through adversity. The moments that you never know you will experience until you do. The same moments that break your heart. The many many moments that heal the heartache.
I am lucky. So so lucky. And I hope in ten years time I can look back with as much happiness as I can now. Except in ten years time I will have a 19 year old and a nearly 17 year old...that can't be right can it ?

And so this is Christmas

Well in a week it will be :) The girls have finished school. They both got fantastic reports and even better, fantastic comments.

I am so looking forward to none of the rushing around that school life entails. I love the days when they can play together and we don't have to leave the house.

I can't believe Christmas is nearly upon us. I love Christmas. I have some amazing memories of Christmas past.
When I was younger and we lived in Darwin it was always a day full of cousins, food, noise and fun. We moved to Perth and it all was different. No cousins and lots less people. Then we created our new Christmas and there were friends who became the family we chose :) We would gather and eat, and the adults would drink, and we would all play board games. There was often a stray person that a family adopted for the day and there was much much laughter.
Then older again and my friends had this tradition of Boxing Day Cricket. We would all gather and the boys would play cricket, most of them anyway. I would be a spectator, and champagne drinker with the ones who didn't play. Then they started to get girlfriends, so I wasn't the only girl there anymore. Then Christmas Eve became either a night at the local pub, catching up with what seemed like every.single.person that had ever lived in our town that came home for Christmas. Or another friend had a Christmas Eve gathering at his house.
They were great times. They seem like another lifetime ago now, but I still remember how carefree those days were. They were full of friends and fun.

These days I live on the other side of the country to those friends. And we made our own traditions again. And I got married and we again made our own traditions. Gone are the Christmas Eve late nights at pubs or with friends. Instead we sneak around building bikes, wrapping presents, stuffing stockings. We get excited imagining the girls faces as they walk out to the Christmas tree laden with presents. Life has changed, but I am somewhere I am content to be. I am blest to be able to have such good Christmas memories :)

It's just not fair

She's sick again. She's cranky...really really cranky. And her trial of Intragam has finished. It had too, it's the rules of the blood bank and none of us want her to stop it, but she has too. They are expecting her to go back on it in a couple of months, in time for winter, and then she will be back on it for life.

We need to see her paed on Friday. And he quite possibly will put her in hospital for 2 weeks. And that means she will miss her first ever school excursion. And that sucks. A lot. I know in the grand scheme of things an excursion isn't a big deal. But it is for her who has so many not normal things in her life. For a short time it would be nice for her to be able to do all the things other kids do. To feel just like all her friends. She knows she's different. And at 6 different is not a great place to be. I really hope she gets better before Friday. There is probably more chance of us winning lotto than that happening.
Maybe there is an antibiotic we can use at home to stop hospital again.
I'm tired already and I wish for a little while she could just forget she was sick....