Motherhood

Is a funny funny thing. I was washing up in the kitchen tonight and was then preparing Chloe's formula that keeps her alive. I then was reflecting on my feeding journey with the girls and laughing at the irony of it all.

With Jess I didn't know anyone else who was a mum. Well except for my mum of course...does that count ? The only people I knew who had children were in Perth. So I had these great breastfeeding plans. I wanted to feed till 6 months...I thought that was a great goal. Little did I know that this journey to motherhood led me to totally change my ideals next time around. So feeding was ok...just ok. I never loved it like I had read people did. I never had supply issues...quite the opposite actually. But I ended up with a severe post surgical infection and needed some antibiotics that weren't safe for a baby. So at 6 weeks I cried, walked into our bedroom and Greg fed our baby girl her bottle. And she drank it, loved it and that was the end for our breastfeeding journey. I now knew breastfeeding had some great things in it's favour. But I was ok with it all. I mean my baby got fed, I got better, the end. Jess gave up her bottle before she was one. It was all very easy.

Next time around I was much much wiser. I had been to playgroup and was surrounded by breastfeeders. Some of them extended breatfeeders as well. I knew a lot more as well about the amazing benefits of breastfeeding. My goal was 12 months now with the thought that I would keep feeding until this baby was ready to stop. Lesson learnt..don't try and preempt what your children are going to do. They will do the opposite :)

So Chloe is born and she is too sick to feed for a few days. Then she was sleepy. Then she lost too much weight. She had been so sick that was why. Then she didn't regain her birth weight. Then she got badly jaundiced. So that was investigated. Then it all started to fall to pieces. She fed CONSTANTLY. I knew that was not abnormal. Then the very unsettled baby came to live with us. She cried and refluxed and refluxed and refluxed some more. She was medicated for that with not a whole lot of improvement. To breastfeed was so important to me so we went to a day stay centre. Where they tried to tell me I should control cry my 2 month old. Not on your life. Not in our parenting manual . So the nurse tried to settle her. No luck. Sort of funny...my baby failed settling 101.

Then I noticed she was miserable after I had dairy. OK well I could cut it back. Then spicy foods..ok. Then she was just miserable. At 6 months we all got gastro and my supply dropped dramatically. I had a baby that didn't sleep for more than an hour, a 3 year old who was wondering who took her parents and replaced them with zombies. So I decided then that I had fought the good fight but it was time for formula.

Then our world fell apart. Unsettled baby turned into a very very sad and sick little girl. Finally I realised that maybe she had allergies. I mean I did so I guess she could. That same appt my GP said..look I have just been to a lecture on something called eosiniphilic esophagitis. Why don't you see this gastroenterolgist in Brisbane.

Gastro says yes I do think so..we will do an endoscopy, fast tracked an allergist appt from 18 month wait to 3 weeks. Saw a dietican who said "ah if you were breastfeeding I would suggest stopping" We started an elemental formula. Chloe settled, yes she does have EE, yes she has multiple food protien allergies and intolerances and she was reacting to everything through my breast milk.

funny now that I was so determined to breast feed and actually made my baby girl sicker. I am ok with that. Mother guilt is something I try NOT to embrace. But here we are and she is 5 and I am still making her formula...life has a way of making you laugh at yourself I think.

Old friends

I have lived in three towns in my life. Darwin was where I was born and where part of my heart will always be. There is something magical about the Far North of our country, where life really is at a much slower pace and where people really seem to relax. Also part of my heart belongs there as at 19 I spent a magic, mad, incredible three months surrounded by some amazing women and lots of alcohol was drunk and many many memories were made.
Then I lived about an hour out of Perth for 10 years. The really formative part of my life was here. I was 12 when we moved and 22 when I chose to leave for reasons best left alone for now. Some of my dearest friends still live there and I am sad that the distance between one side of our country and the other is still really so far.
My bestest friend in Perth is a man. No he was never my boyfriend...truly never. That concept astounded more than one person. He was like my big brother. He is our baby girl's godfather and that role is one he truly deserves. He is married with two children of his own. Anyway life means that we don't often get to chat. Time differences, busy schedules you know how it goes.
We had a long chat the other day and I was reminded how precious old friends are, especially when they know you so well. Only some people can tell you exactly how they feel and we can do that with each other. We used to want to change the world. Actually he was my big social justice inspiration. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been inside a juvenile detention centre to visit with the young people there. I wouldn't have had much of an idea about indigenous issues and I would never have protested at an American warship...(shh he may come in here and tell you that the two girls he took with him on this day actually didn't do so much protesting but did a lot of perving...don't believe him will you...) It is so nice to have a friend that knows your past, has seen you at your worst, and still likes you. Distance and time doesn't take that away. I am lucky.Thanks old friend. xx

The things they say

Parenting means you hear some of the most gorgeous things come out of your children's mouths (oh and some scary things too...) but too often I don't write them down and then forget them. Driving to get Jess from school this afternoon there was a loud noise outside the car. Chloe says "oh that gave me a frighten" Precious girl she is :)

Proud mummy bragging

I wanted a seperate entry to do my proud mumma thing.

Chloe has settled into preschool so well. She is actually one of the leaders, (good things do happen when you are one of the oldest after all) and she has lots of friends and she is happy and cherished there by the fantastic teachers. She is learning to read and like her big sister has taught herself some basic maths.

Jess is also doing brilliantly. She recieved a principals award for outstanding reading and comprehension. She is loving her extension classes and wrote a great story about a princess a couple of weeks ago. She also has lots of friends and has still maintained her friendship with her best friend Jemma despite the fact that since kindergarton they have been seperated for class time. Jem and Jess are in some ways polar opposites. Jess is tall, with striking brown eyes and really dark brown hair. Jemma is tiny, with striking blue eyes and blond hair. Jess is a rule follower, Jem a rule strecher :) Jem is the leader, Jess is a follower by nature.