The results

Ever since Chloe was born she has had breathing issues. She needed really high levels of oxygen after she was born. So high we weren't even allowed to put our fingers through her humidicrib to touch her as she wouldn't have been able to cope with it.
Then at 6 weeks she got bronchiolitis, which is apparent;y not common so early on in a breastfed baby. She also had a stridor, so she had really really noisy breathing for 2 years. She then was diagnosed with asthma, that goes hand in hand with her allergies.

Since December last year health wise things have fallen apart for her. She has lost weight, stopped growing, been miserable. We introduced a new specialist to our lives last November, a respiratory specialist. He ordered a bronchoscopy and CT scan to be done of her lungs. The bronchoscopy is when they put a camera into her lungs to have a look .

So Thursday at 4.30 am we headed off to Brisbane. It was dark and cold. Chloe had been fasting since midnight and the rest of us had gobbled breakfast before she woke up and we didn't eat or drink in front of her till after the op. It is ultra traumatic to watch your child have an anaesthetic.

Anyway the results weren't great. Her lungs are full of mucous. In some parts the secretions are so thick they are like chewing gum. Her left lung has a partial collapse. She has bronchiectasis. That is widening of her airways. Basically saying lung damage. The plan. Intensive chest physio. New long term antibiotics. They will cost about $30 a week. Start immunoglobulins soon. Aim to hopefully prevent more damage. If not much improvement in 6 weeks, admission to hospital in Brisbane for 2 weeks for a "tune up". Gosh I hope that doesn't happen. Two little girls would be very sad having to be away from their best friend. Two grown ups also sad about it all.

So we are still a little numb...ok a whole lot numb. My head is spinning at the moment. We will be ok, I know that. We just need time to get our heads around it all.

The tears

That have never ever escaped in the presence of anyone except my husband escaped the other day ever so slightly when Chloe's respiratory dr told us what he discovered. I am not a public cryer...I don't like showing any sign of sadness to anyone. Stupid I know but I still do it.

I don't even want to write what he said. Maybe if I don't write it down it will go away. I owe some people some emails about what we now know but I don't know how to write the words. I am so tired and will come back and fill you in but for now sleep is really the only thing that may help.

She takes my breath away

We went away last weekend and had a lovely time. Jess was walking ahead of me and for a moment I had to remember she was mine. She tossed her hair over her shoulders with the self belief of a very loved girl. She is tall and gorgeous and she took my breath away. When did my first baby grow up to be such an amazing girl ?
At school there is a communication book. The teacher sends home a comment every week and we send one back.
Last week a relief teacher wrote the comment. This teacher has taught Jess many times over her first years at school and Jess adores her. The comment said "Jessica is always an absolute pleasure to have in class" Her teacher then worte "I agree" And my mummy heart was so so proud. All I want for my girls is to be nice people. Truly. To make great friends, believe in themselves and have the courage to be who they want to be.
Jessica is an absolute pleasure to parent too. Look she is no angel and she and I are too alike to not clash at times but she always has a smile and she has a heart of gold and I love her. She taught me how to be a mum and a much much better person. She takes my breath away daily.