Drowning

I feel like I'm drowning at the moment. Drowning in the hopelessness that I can't escape. Drowning in the momentary realisation that I don't know what to do right now in my parenting journey.

Of all the things in the world I know I can do..one is certain. I am a good mother. I work really hard at being a good mother, and although I am human and do make mistakes I am pretty sure that my mistakes will not be remembered by my children. I laugh, I let them laugh, I pretend, I give them space, but security. Freedom but routine. Love..unconditional love. We don't smack and we don't go in for humiliation and punishment either. Until now I have felt good about what we do. but now, right now I could cry. I am floundering. I don't know what my heart says, and all my head says is that I am too tired to think.

Parenting a child with additional needs is bloody hard work. We chose to keep her home from school this year, and I think we have made the wrong decision. There....there lies the truth...Up until now my mummy heart has made the right choices and now I think we chose wrong.